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When Love Isn’t Enough – What I Do To Stay Motivated In My Marriage

by Naielah Ackbarali 

Everyone has their theories about what makes a marriage successful. 

Many people swear by Dr Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages. Others applaud the work of Dr John Gottman’s Four Horsemen. Some mention Dr Michele Weiner-Davis’s sex-starved marriage advice. A few even take it way back to Dr John Gray’s gender difference theories

I think each expert is credible and provides a good amount of evidence to back up their claims. I have tried a mixture of their tips in my marriage, in addition to encouraging my clients to do the same. 

But what I have found is that there is a deeper issue at stake that many relationship experts just don’t address, and that is: Why should you do this stuff anyway?

Your spouse can get on your nerves. They can make you angry. They can hurt your feelings. They can disappoint you. 

Why should you sacrifice your time, your energy, and your effort for their sake? 

It is a question that I get all the time. It usually comes right after I suggest possible solutions for how to fix a marriage problem. 

Whether it is advising spouses to spend more quality time together, to practice good communication with each other, to respect boundaries, or to fulfill neglected needs, the next question that inevitably pops up is:

Why should I be the one to do that?

This comes as no surprise to me anymore. From my personal and professional experience, what I have discovered is that love for your partner isn’t enough of a reason to keep the momentum going in a long-term relationship. 

Read the full article at BRAINZ Magazine at this link.

© Muslima Coaching, 2024.

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Naielah Ackbarali

Ustadha Naielah Ackbarali is the founder and CEO of Muslima Coaching. She is passionate about inspiring Muslim women by way of spreading the beauty of living an Islamic life. Ustadha Naielah is a trained strategic relationship coach, certified life coach, and a certified NLP Master Practitioner. Combined with her knowledge of the shariah sciences, coaching experience, and personal marriage of 15 years, she also offers faith-based marriage coaching and relationship advice.