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When Love Isn't Enough – What I Do To Stay Motivated In My Marriage

When Love Isn’t Enough – What I Do To Stay Motivated In My Marriage

by Naielah Ackbarali 

Everyone has their theories about what makes a marriage successful. 

Many people swear by Dr Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages. Others applaud the work of Dr John Gottman’s Four Horsemen. Some mention Dr Michele Weiner-Davis’s sex-starved marriage advice. A few even take it way back to Dr John Gray’s gender difference theories. 

I think each expert is credible and provides a good amount of evidence to back up their claims. I have tried a mixture of their tips in my marriage, in addition to encouraging my clients to do the same. 

But what I have found is that there is a deeper issue at stake that many relationship experts just don’t address, and that is: Why should you do this stuff anyway?

Your spouse can get on your nerves. They can make you angry. They can hurt your feelings. They can disappoint you. 

Why should you sacrifice your time, your energy, and your effort for their sake? 

It is a question that I get all the time. It usually comes right after I suggest possible solutions for how to fix a marriage problem. 

Whether it is advising spouses to spend more quality time together, to practice good communication with each other, to respect boundaries, or to fulfill neglected needs, the next question that inevitably pops up is:

Why should I be the one to do that?

This comes as no surprise to me anymore. From my personal and professional experience, what I have discovered is that love for your partner isn’t enough of a reason to keep the momentum going in a long-term relationship. 

Read the full article at BRAINZ Magazine at this link.

© Muslima Coaching, 2024.

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Naielah Ackbarali

Naielah Ackbarali is the founder and CEO of Muslima Coaching. Naielah is a qualified CBT therapist, an experienced Muslim marriage counselor of over 10 years, and an Islamic studies teacher for over 15 years. She obtained a Master of Arts (Level 7) in Counseling & Psychotherapy Practice at Bath Spa University, earning a Distinction. She also received a Postgraduate Certificate (Level 7) in Psychological Therapies at Queen Mary University of London. She has a Master Practitioner Diploma in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) accredited by the British Psychological Society (BPS). She has also completed training in the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy and gained a Diploma in Counseling Skills. Naielah is a trained strategic relationship coach, certified life coach, and a certified NLP Master Practitioner. Combined with her knowledge from Islamic studies, coaching experience, and personal marriage of almost 20 years, she offers faith-based marriage coaching to couples, wives, and singles. She has helped hundreds of women and couples with almost a decade of coaching experience with clients from all over the world (USA, Canada, UK, Europe, Australia, Africa, & the Middle East). She is an author of several marriage books and has been featured on the Islam Channel and British Muslim TV. She was also selected to do an exclusive interview with BRAINZ Magazine.