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Chasing the Feeling of Love

With tears in her eyes, an elderly woman’s gaze falls upon the majestic Ka’ba for the first time. Taken by surprise at its unique splendor, she immediately stops and stares upwards in awe at the grandness of the Ka’ba. Her eyes quickly trace the patterns of fine gold thread intricately weaved into its black robe.

In her moment of reflection, she silently watches beating hearts encircle its structure in total unison, clusters of individual souls who meet together for the same purpose – to beseech their Creator with their endless needs. Tongues chant what hearts speak and feet move forward motivated by pure hope. Overwhelmed by her newfound treasure, she utters in a low whisper, “It’s beautiful.” After living many decades of hardship and heartbreak, she finally found a focal point for perpetual love.

Surely, it is during these intimate moments with the Divine that souls discover the true meaning of life and they are fueled to change, give back to others, and grow. When human hearts are sincerely tied to their Creator, they are deeply inspired to be the love that they crave to feel and to manifest the love that they long to show. The centuries sought ‘fountain of life’ that grants people eternal fulfilment, empowerment, and clarity isn’t an imaginary fairytale, but it is a reality that is only found when a person cultivates a strong relationship with Allah Most High. Indeed, the quality of a person’s life is often measured by the quality of their personal connection with their Creator.

When we first married our husbands, maybe we thought differently; we felt like we hit the jackpot, and that ‘feeling’ of being in love compelled us to behave differently and to perform with great potential. The ‘high’ encouraged us to act in noble ways or to say loving words without much thought or effort. Yet, for almost everyone on the face of this planet, that fantasy wave eventually crashes, and our hearts are stranded upon the lonely shore of real life once again.

However, in this beached moment, we still have a choice of where we will direct our marooned hearts. Undoubtedly, when we convince ourselves that we’re missing something, we will inevitably start searching for what will make us feel that ‘feeling’ once more. Some may get divorced and decide to look for the ‘feeling’ elsewhere. Some may stay in their marriages but devote their attention to their children, hoping to gain the ‘feeling’ through them. Some may hang onto their spouses, riding a rollercoaster of the ‘feeling’ on and off their time together. Whatever the option may be, when we chase the ‘feeling’ of love, our hearts will ultimately settle in the same place that we desperately try to avoid being in: the rock-bottom feeling of emptiness.

Instead of chasing the temporary, we must seek what is permanent and everlasting. Namely, we need to revive our marriages with a higher purpose – to make our marriages worship with Allah and not based on a bunch of feelings.

Allah says: Say, [O Muhammad], “If you should love Allah, then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (3:31)

The only way to truly make a Muslim marriage survive and transform into an everlasting bond is to focus our hearts on following the way of the Prophet ﷺ. How did he ﷺ act within times of disappointment? How did he ﷺ respond when challenged? How did he ﷺ consistently treat those in his household?

If our love batteries are dead, then we need to recharge them, but our power source must be the Divine. Those who are enthused to act, speak, and live for Allah’s sake will always find something different in their marriages, and the love felt between each other’s hearts easily intensify and solidify inshaAllah. So don’t gauge the quality of your relationship by the strength of the ‘feeling’ because feelings come and go. Rather, base your marriage on something permanently substantial. Ask yourself if the way that you are in your marriage is pleasing to Allah Most High. Let this guiding principle be what regulates your love meter because Allah will place His blessing in it inshaAllah. Whenever you see it is at a low, find your focal point, turn to the Ka’ba, and reconnect with the Divine.

© Muslima Coaching, 2016.

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Naielah Ackbarali

Ustadha Naielah Ackbarali is the founder and CEO of Muslima Coaching. She is passionate about inspiring Muslim women by way of spreading the beauty of living an Islamic life. Ustadha Naielah is a trained strategic relationship coach, certified life coach, and a certified NLP Master Practitioner. Combined with her knowledge of the shariah sciences, coaching experience, and personal marriage of 15 years, she also offers faith-based marriage coaching and relationship advice.